Resolution

I've resolved to write more in 2013. I don't know what 'more' means in this context, since I've written almost nothing in the past 18 months, so the bar's set pretty low.

I also don't have a specific notion of what constitutes 'writing'. There's this blog, certainly, languishing in a corner since last year. It will receive some attention; but there are also three stories that I'd started work on, one as long ago as 2010. Maybe 2013 is the year those will see daylight.

The trouble, you see, is that I have both a very short attention span and a low tolerance for mediocrity, at least in my own work. Combined, these two traits make it nearly impossible to finish a first draft of anything longer than a paragraph, since a first draft is by definition rough and imperfect. The numerous typos and grammatical errors I make when I get in full flow drive me nuts, but correcting them while I write distracts me from the act of writing. I can't write longhand either - I don't think the same way with a pen in my hand as I do in front of a keyboard.

Another challenge is that I don't always have something to write about. Like today, for example. The only subject I have to write about today is how I'm going to do more writing. How interesting is that? Not particularly, not even for me, and if I'm not interested, it's a good bet that no one else will be, either.

A third - or fourth, I've lost track - difficulty is finding the time to write. Given my short attention span, writing for me is an all-consuming avtivity. My thoughts are increasingly slippery and when I lose my grip on one, it swims away quickly, lost forever in a flow - or more accurately, a trickle - of other less interesting thoughts. I can't tell you the number of Really Good Ideas that have escaped over the years by blending in with others. Writing, like fishing, requires all of the patience and attention I can gather. I don't catch many fish, because the requirements for doing so are at odds both with my own predisposition for distractedness and with the rhythms of a young family. The kids just don't seem to get that I need to be left alone when I'm writing, and to tell the truth, as grumpy as I get when they interrupt me ("Dad? Dad? Daddy? Daddaddaddaddad!" "What?" "Hi!"), I can't bring myself to tell them to get lost. Writing is, after all, a wholly discretionary activity. It doesn't feed us or clothe us, and I'd really rather spend time with them than do just about anything else. Besides, let's face it, they're going to have to support me when I'm old so I'd better be nice to them now before I forget who they are.

Finally, there's the thorny issue of subject matter sensitivity. There are topics I'd like to write about, topics that would make for funny reading, but I can't because it would be impossible to sufficiently disguise the people involved. They would instantly recognize themselves in the material, and that would be bad for everyone. (If you're wondering right now whether you're one of these people, you've made my point for me.)

Maybe I should revise my resolution: I'll write more when I have an inoffensive subject, when I have enough time, and when the ideas leap like spawning salmon into the jaws of a cleverly-placed bear. In other words, I'll write in 2013 about as often as I wrote in 2012.