Details

I was in a pub last week with a bunch of guys, some I'd known for ages and others whom I'd just met. One of the just-mets showed us his third nipple. Just like that.

At the risk of offending all bearers of superfluous nipples, i think that little show defines the term 'too much information', at least from someone I'd known for only a few hours. I generally like to get to know a person a bit before I go showing them my body parts, extraneous or otherwise.

Don't get me wrong - I wasn't offended or disgusted by this. Well, maybe vaguely disgusted. The issue for me was that I'd have preferred to have had a choice in the matter. Generally such a choice would involve having the opportunity to decide whether I like a person enough to want to spend more time with them - to at least have a foundation of a relationship before I have dirty laundry or spare nipples thrust full in my face.

I realize this probably sounds shallow, and maybe it is. We're told that we should accept (or not) people for who they are, warts or extra nipples and all. I agree with this. But I like to start slow. I will happily sit for hours and talk with you about a painful childhood or a difficult divorce, but before we get to that, I'd like to know a bit about how you think, how you see the world, whether we have something in common. Otherwise you're just dumping your shit on me and I'm not so interested, thanks very much.

I wonder, though, am I unusual in this regard? Do 'normal' people share every detail of their lives and bodies with everyone they meet? Has the relentless progression of social networking caused a permanent northward shift in the 'normal' level of sharing?

I have some 'friends' on Facebook that I rather wish I hadn't. If you use Facebook, you probably have some, too. They're the ones you accepted friend requests from without thinking, back in the early days, when you were trying to get the numbers up. The people you knew a long time ago, the people who share every detail of their life with no attempt to make these details interesting, humorous, or even particularly relevant.

Why do I not take the same liberty and tell these people to keep their details to themselves? I suppose I'm sort of lazy, for one thing. Moreover, though, I won't do that for the same reason that I didn't tell the guy with the extra nipple that he'd shared too much, too soon. Because I'm polite. Too polite, really, something I must change, I think.

So if someday, you find this post and realize, "Hey, I'm not connected to him on Facebook anymore," let me say that I'm sorry. Sorry that I didn't have it in me to tell you personally that I'm just not that interested in your weekly visits to the grocery store, your endless whining about being tired, or your griping about your family.

OK, 'unfriending' people from one's youth not really much of a step, but it's a step. "But wait," you say, "if you cut out everyone who slings more detail at you than you really care for, will there be anyone left?" Yes. Because if I genuinely like you, if I've gotten to know you and you me, no amount of detail is too much - bring it on.

See you on the other side.