A new approach

A few weeks ago, I wrote about how the kids were driving me nuts. For some reason, every time they opened their mouths that weekend, it was like nails on a chalkboard. I blame this on the full moon. My jangled nerves have now recovered, and the kids have actually been pretty good at playing together and entertaining each other.

Occasionally they do fight. Today they were mad at each other for whatever reason, and they had a fight about who was madder.
"I'm so cross at you!"
"Well I'm crosser than you!"
"No you're not, I am!"
"No, I am!"
And so on and so forth.

Just a few weeks ago, I would have been beside myself that they were arguing over something so patently riduculous as who was angrier at whom. But not today. Today I am a new man. No, I haven't gotten a Valium prescription, I've discovered the concept of Idle Parenting. OK, it's not exactly an approach endorsed by the American Academy of Pedriatics, but it does mirror my own sentiments pretty well: leave the kids alone and let them sort out their own problems.

I'll step in if someone's getting hurt or they're straying too far from acceptable norms (this morning, they were kissing each other's butts. No idea where they got that, but I had to draw the line on that one), but otherwise, I leave them to just have fun by themselves. At the moment, they're playing moles. I'm the daddy mole. Not sure what a real daddy mole is supposed to do, but this daddy mole is gonna just keep blogging. Oh, I'll still play with them, but I refuse to feel guilty about doing my own thing most of the time.

This approach has benefits for both me and the kids. I get to do my own thing now and again, and because I don't feel so obligated to forgo my own pastimes in favor of theirs, I have more patience and energy for them. This morning, Michael broke a plate because he was doing something I've told him a zillion times not to do. I was actually surprised by how not angry I was. Sure, I told him off a bit because the situation would have been avoided had he simply not done what I told him not to do, but he wasn't being malicious, he was clearly upset about it, and he told me exactly what had happened without being evasive, so I didn't give him too much grief about it.

I think it also benefits them by letting them figure out how to get along. By not stepping in every time one of them starts whinging at the other, they have no choice but to find a way to get along, even if it's by separating themselves. And I've discovered something completely unexpected: almost without fail, if left to their own devices, their fights end in fits of laughter.

We'll see how it goes. If nothing else, this gives me more time for blogging.